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Five Ways to Radiate

by Vortex Remover

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1.
CCRRAASSHH 02:29
CCRRAASSHH: I just wanna crash, Everything is broken, It's always my fault, Everything I do is a mistake. I just wanna go, Where mistakes aren't important. Who cares? I don't care. I wish I didn't care. Who cares? I don't care. I wish I didn't care. Mistakes aren't important. I just wanna crash, Every bone is broken, Lying in a ditch, Everything I do from now on, Will be done in a ditch, Where mistakes aren't important. Who cares? I don't care. I wish I didn't care. Who cares? I don't care. I wish I didn't care. Mistakes aren't important. I just wanna crash, I just wanna crash, I just wanna cry, As I crawl from the wreck. I just wanna crash, I just wanna crash, I just wanna cry, As I crawl from the wreck.
2.
Ŝi Diras, "Saluton!": (Esperanto) [She Says, "Hello!"] (English) "Saluton!" "Saluton!" "Kiel vi fartas?" "Mi fartas bone!" "Ho jes!" "Tre mojosa!" ["Hello!"] ["Hello!"] ["How are you doing?"] ["I am doing well!"] ["Oh yeah!"] ["Very cool!"]
3.
How's It Glowing? It's Glowing OK: A light can't start without a spark, And I can't spark and I can't start, So I'm done and I haven't done nothin'. I was gonna, I was always gonna. I'm a tree. Chop me down. I'm a log. Roll me into the flames. I am wood. I want to be firewood. I want to burn bright for you now. It won't last long, it won't last long, But before I'm gone, I want to BE ALL THE LIGHT. If I could be all the light for one Big Bang... I'll need all of you... I just need your spark... I'll need all of you to be all the light.
4.
Oddduxx 02:47
Oddduxx: I won't be offended, If you laugh at my odd ways, You're as odd as me anyways. Aren't you cute? Wearing only one boot, You're so dreamy, I love you extremey. Your heart is a laser, I'm the laser appraiser, We're *mirinda* together, Odd ducks of a feather. I wouldn't be offended, If you laugh at my odd ways, You're an odder otter on her waterways. Why'd I, wide eye, wake up now? I can't find my face right now, Traveling by brainwave now, Right insight your psychic llama. Turtle Prance: I'm not gonna sing about dancing. Oh, no! I prefer prancing. I'm a turtle walking in a circle. I hear my GF opening a portal in the living room.
5.
Mermaid Blue 02:38
Mermaid Blue: Blue mermaid hair blue mermaid hair... Captain K set sail, From Claggett Bay, Spyglass said, "An island up ahead." Captain K set sail. Starfish rays point out, Five different ways. Look beyond, Now how will ye respond, To the siren's song? "Oh," she said, "You're a glass minus half." "Oh," she said, "You're a centaur minus horse." I took a poll of my sailors and kin, And no one agreed with the thing she said then: "Oh," she said, "You're a flagon of seaweed." Captain K set sail, From Claggett Bay, Spyglass said, "An island up ahead." Captain K set sail. His wit was quick in a slow motion ocean, He guffawed like a clod when his jokin' was smokin', Her croon was in tune and her scales were chromatic, And her hair, it was blue, and her shoes didn't fit.
6.
Jug 01:48
Jug: Jug... of... what... What's in the jug? Millions of ants. Millions of uncles. Jug... of... what... What's in the jug? Peace of mind. A piece of brain. Jug... of... what... What's in the jug? The universe. A slightly smaller jug.
7.
A Lot Like Emily: I know you feel trapped, I know, I feel trapped sometimes too, A lot like Emily, You don't always have to rhyme. I know you get scared, I know 'cause I been right there too, When things try to crush me, I lie there and get crushed. I know you want to go outside and meet someone who just tries to enjoy life and be weird.
8.
9.
Broken Trash Chair: I'm a broken chair, At least no one will sit on me anymore. I'm a broken chair, At least no one will sit on me anymore. I'm in the garbage can, That's where I'm living, That's where I'm always, Dreaming my garbage dreams, Dreaming my garbage dreams. I'm in the trash, Not under your ass, And that is a step, In a direction I guess. I'm a broken chair, At least no one will sit on me anymore.
10.
Great Gas Giants: By the light of the great gas giants, You can see 100,000 moons, Absorbed them into my muscles, Can you feel them pumping iron-rich blood? In a bunk bed down in a crater, I'll be watching from under 100 blankets, Because it's chilly, I've got snacks and an oxygen mask. If you ever try to find me, Just look in 100,000 different hiding places, All around the solar system.
11.
Fall-Backwards Man: Follow that glow, Flow the speed of dark, Slowing you down, Circle your phrase, On a page of ways, To travel by dream. Up the hill, everyone can. Except for me, I'm Fall-Backwards Man. Reading the warning label, But the words keep changing like Babel. Man at the door, Feathers in his hat, Presents in hand, Don't let him in, I cannot control, The ways my eyes roll. I can float or jump really far, But I can't fly or see what you are. I found a secret door, I'm walking down the hallway.
12.
13.
NML2 HMNBRD 01:19
NML 2: HMNBRD: I see a hummingbird... People digging in my trash, I hope they find a bag of cash, To invest in new inventions, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 dimensions. Let me climb into your pocket, It's my house, Clench me in-between your breasts, I'll whisper answers to your tests. H.M.N.B.R.D.... S.K.N.K....
14.
15.
NML1 SKNK 02:34
NML 1: SKNK: S.K.N.K.... S.K.N.K.... Oh little friend, I know you will offend, Olfactory faculties. Neighbor Cat and me, This is what we did see. Oh little friend, I know you will offend, Olfactory faculties.
16.
Oddcatz 01:36
Creepy Creepy Satellites: Creepy satellites, creepy satellites, Ganymede, Io, Ganymede, Io, Creepy satellites, creepy satellites, Phobos, Deimos, Moon, Titon, Triton, Titon, Triton, Phoebe, Europa, Callisto, Puck, Hyperion!
17.
Nightmare Basket: When my day is a plate of shit on a plate, When my head is a bag of poo poo in a bag, Down in the dumps when the world takes a dump on my dreams, on my dreams, Nightmare basket of diarrhea. But I know I'm gonna see you tonight, You're gonna flush that mess away, You're like a toilet, but in a good way. Down in the dumps when the world takes a dump on my dreams, on my dreams, Help me squeeze out this bad idea. I will write you a terrible love song, It is going to be really terrible, It's the second worst song in the world, But I wrote it just for you. And I know I'm gonna see you tonight, I'm gonna pick you up at eight, I see a green coat approach in my rearview. Down in the dumps when the world takes a dump on my dreams, on my dreams, You're the cure for my nightmarrhea.
18.
The Old Counterfeiter Who Wants to Eat at Mo's: An old man came to the food stamps office, With a one dollar bill. He had taken a black marker, And tried to change it into a ten...
19.
Sokyo the Cat: Sokyo the Cat was a cool, cool kitty, A big tough guy in the Itty Bitty Kitty City, Sokyo the Cat was black and gray and green, He lived in a studio apartment on the mezzanine. Soky said, "Hi." Soky said, "Ahoy." Soky said, "Oh my." Soky said, "Oh boy." Soky said, "I hate myself." And lied down on the floor. Soky said nothing, He just lied there on the floor. Some other things that Soky said, Were "yes" and "no" and "maybe." One time Soky even said, "Sock it to me baby-o!"
20.
The Land Where No One Can Sit Down: I'm sitting in my fist because everyone is hist- ory except for me. I always used to see... I used to always see some kind of lions in this tree. I used to share a Sobe with a guy that we call Toby. But now it's just me. I've got 52 chairs but just one butt. They call me the king. No, we don't call you at all.
21.
The Dinghy 02:27
The Dinghy: Help me get out, I am stuck in my life. Help help me get out out, I am stuck stuck in my life. Don't leave me in the dinghy, When the dinghy starts to sinky, I'm afraid I might get wet. I been talkin', I been talkin', I been walkin' around, I been sayin' things, I been steppin' on stuff. Every time you blink I fall into a hole. Oh, no, you fall in ho', But no one know how far you go. I been drivin', I been drivin', I been ridin' along in the back seat, Where I fell asleep. Every hill is steep, The steering wheel is out of reach. Oh, no, you fall back slow. I'll take the train, I'll take the train, To someplace further, Further down the track. I can't get off track, If you don't ____ me back. Hot air balloon deflates, And it's not fantastic, I'm in the basket. Okay, it goes that way, I am required to say, "This is not my day." We want to go back to sleep.

credits

released July 6, 2020

Vortex Remover:
Peter DeGroot - vocals, hafgits, keyboards, bass, t'acco, acco, otamatone, chair
Rob Groves - drums, vocals, control issues, jackaxe, stick-it, stumpf fiddle, novelty t-shirt drums, keyboard, uke

Featuring:
Justin Stimson - lead guitar on "Saluton"
Lizzy Brock - violin on "Fall-Backwards Man"
Juliam Snow - music stand, phone, piano on "NML 1: SKNK"
M.A.R.C. Horsejerk & Shawn Bruegger - voice actors on "Old Counterfeiter"

Mouth Talkers:
Laura Holmgren, Mr. Kuko, Julie Eaton, Sebastian Holmgren, Justin Stimson, Shauna Groves, Kelli Payne Potter, Nate Payne Potter, Calder Groves, Ghost Swordson, Lizzy Brock, Joshua Blanchard

Produced by Rob Groves
Songs by Peter DeGroot
"Jug" and "Fall-Backwards Man" by DeGroot/Groves
"Purple Universe" by DeGroot/L.Holmgren
Art/Layout by DeGroot/Groves

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Vortex Remover Salem, Oregon

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